As an FYI to the Seven Loyal Readers who aren’t full-fledged Geeks and thus unaware, tonight’s the Finale of Battlestar Galactica. Since I know you were wondering, they’ve found Earth but it was all nuked and depressing. Kara Thrace’s Special Destiny is still unclear. And the human population count has dwindled to numbers that make incest increasingly acceptable. As a Girl Geek, I, of course, plan to spend the night on the couch, wearing my BSG tee, and twittering spoilers to all my Tivo-using friends. Also, I’m Officially Predicting The Following:
- Everybody returns to Kobil, thus starting the whole frakkin’ cycle over again.
- Kara’s daddy is Daniel, the boxed and aloof 13th Cylon.
- Kara and Lee finally do the Horizontal Tango in a moment of post-saving-humanity bliss, despite Kara being a semi-Cylon.
- Anders never gets out of the Goo Bath.
- Adama dies in a moment of suicidal heroic splendor, but only after Roslin finally succumbs to The Slowest Killing Breast Cancer In The Galaxy and goes to the Big Gods In The Sky.
And because I like to commemorate Television Events by posting a drinking game, I’ve developed a sure-fire way to become blotto before Starbuck saves the entire frakking universe during the second hour. So, BSGers, write your will on 8-sided paper, make peace with the Gods, and settle in for liver doom.
- Adama takes off or puts on his glasses dramatically
- Adama uses his Glare of Death; bonus drink if Cottle deflects it with his own Scowl of Intense Disapproval
- Adama does something “captainy,” like crushing walnuts in his hand or building a model ship
- Adama has a Moment with Starbuck
- Adama has a Moment with Lee
- Boomer tries to prove she’s really nice and not evil
- Boomer is angry/unhappy/depressed/suicidal
- Gaius is talking to Ghost Six
- Roslin makes a heartfelt and inspiring impromptu speech to the Fleet
- Starbuck and Lee Adama stare at each other for non-work-related reasons
- Thigh yells, “Gods Damnit!”
- Somebody says a multi-word curse using Frak (e.g. mother frakker)
- Anytime there’s an 8-sided paper item
- Somebody is airlocked; extra sip if Roslin commands it
- They spin up the FTL only to have it initially fail, then miraculously work at the Very Last Possible Second
- Lady McTigh ever sleeps with her husband again
- Six isn’t showing cleavage
- Starbuck demonstrates a previously unknown but still nifty talent/ability/skill
- Starbuck hops into bed on a barely-considered whim
- Tori tries to get her own way
- Adama cries; chug if it’s over Roslin’s deathbed
- Anders wakes up
- Lee stops being a self-righteous douche
- Starbuck does her open-mouthed hyena laugh
- Starbuck is happy
- There’s a scene on a Fleet ship besides the Galactica
- They unveil Daniel or any other extra Cylon models
- Galactica collapses
- Humanity does not survive
- The entire series leaps ahead a year
- Baltar is revealed as the traitor who betrayed the Colonies and actually can’t weasel out of it
- Dualla resurrects
- Ghost Six’s existence is confirmed and revealed
- Anyone says any variant of “frak” besides the multi-word curse: just kind of wave at the screen
- Lee in a towel: Thank the Gods and then drink until your pulse returns to normal
- Anytime Grace Parker appears: shout which character you think she is (Eight, Sharon, Athena, Boomer or Other) and if you’re correct, hand your beer to someone who got it wrong