The gChat Diaries, Vol. 3

Me: One Halloween, when I was about 12, I went as Bacchus. My mother was not happy. It was a sign, really.


Laina: I’ve come to the conclusion that I might be an asshole.


Me: You know when you get too many tickets and the judge makes you go back to traffic school? Well, I’m doing the same thing for you but with 9th Grade Health Class and condom usage.

Anonymous Friend: Damn abstinence-only education. Fails every time.


Stella: This is the best movie ever.

Me: It’s on HBO?

Stella: Even better…Lifetime!

Me: OMG. Change the channel. Please!

Stella: Whatevs! Sandra Oh and Elliot from Scrubs are in it! Keeps getting better!!

(Later)

Stella: Taye Diggs!!!! This is an all star cast!!!

Me: OMG TIVO THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me: I don’t understand. How are you in different places in life?

Second Anonymous Friend: DIFFERENT LIKE HE STILL SLEEPS IN A TWIN BED.

Me: Oh. I see.


Me: FYI, vacuuming a down comforter is not easy.

Stella: You are ridiculous.

Me: I can’t help it if the Damn Dog rolled on it while the duvet was off and COVERED it in icky puppy hair and now I can’t get the hair OFF.

Stella: Sick sick SICK.

Me: I want to KILL that dog. I go and vacuum for a few minutes, get irritated and must stop.

Stella: Perhaps the dog was sent from God to serve as the proverbial straw?

Me: Becoming more likely. Every time I go into the bedroom and fire up the vacuum, eCrush is all, “They have programs for people like you.” And I mumble something about humane ways to put down dogs. And boyfriends.


Jill: What the fuck were you thinking?

Me: That’s the question of my life.

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8 Responses to “The gChat Diaries, Vol. 3”

  1. LiLu Says:

    I definitely recognize that first one, lady. 🙂

    We are two freakin peas in a pod. And maybe I’ll run into you tonight?

    I’ll look for you.

  2. Laina Says:

    I am for SURE an asshole. 😀 But for some reason a lot of people like me anyway. (ARROGANT asshole, perhaps?)

    It’s because you are a loveable asshole.

  3. ella Says:

    i love looking back at old chats. because, come on – I’M the funniest person I KNOW.

    It’s amazing the gems you find in the recesses…

  4. areyoureallyalawyer Says:

    May be you should try a lint roller or a lot of big tape on the dog hair. Or you could just cover the dog in plastic wrap when he is over at your place to prevent shedding.

    Or I could shave him.

  5. Stella Says:

    I second the plastic wrap comment, only use it to cover its mouth and nose and hold it there until it stops struggling. That ought to do the trick. Then turn and use the same slice of doggy slobbered plastic wrap on eCrush.

    I adore you. More than you will ever know!

  6. Maxie Says:

    Oh is that lifetime movie about a wedding or something? I think i’ve seen it. I’ll watch anything with Sandra Oh in it.

    Yes, it was! You and Stella and the Lifetime… sigh…

  7. Laina Says:

    I heart Stella. LMAO.

    And Stella love her fans!

  8. AnonaEsq Says:

    I heart Laina. TeeHee.

    Love fest!

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