20 Categories I’d Totally Dominate On Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader

  • Vodka Mixers and Assorted Over Priced Microbrews
  • Hipster Accessories
  • Lamentable Acts While Intoxicated
  • 10 Ways To Present Box Mac And Cheese As A Gourmet Meal
  • Spot The Knock-Off Shoe
  • 101 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Go To Law School
  • The Advantages of Midwestern Home Ownership In Comparison To DC Renting
  • Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful Yesterday
  • 20 Ways To Determine If Your Boyfriend Is So In The Closet He Can See Narnia
  • Diet Coke: Giver Of Life Or Caffeine Crutch?
  • Select The Proper Wine Accompaniment For Each Frozen Meal In The Grocer’s Freezer
  • Disappointing Bedfellows
  • Things You Would Never Tell Your Mother, Therapist, or the National Enquirer But Post On Your Blog Without Second Thought
  • Why Bootie Shoes Look Like Something The Whore Version Of Laura Ingalls Wilder Would Wear
  • Old School Nintendo Games And The People That Love Them
  • Plausible Excuses For Gym Avoidance
  • Metro Injuries
  • Which Teen Idol Said It: Dawson, Brandon Or Chuck Bass?
  • Create The Perfect Storm Of Lactose Intolerance Hell
  • Things Bionic Kitty Has Yet To Eat But Wouldn’t Kill Her Anyway

15 Responses to “20 Categories I’d Totally Dominate On Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader”

  1. charlotteharris Says:

    I’m so lost – what are bootie shoes?

    For you? A link…which I also put in the post.

  2. michelle Says:

    haha… i love chuck bass!!!

    He’s like the perfect hybrid of Pacey, Dylan and brooding sexiness with a dollop of great fashion sense.

  3. Lemmonex Says:

    “Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful Yesterday”

    I dunno…I think a 5th grader would beat me at this. I am queen of drunk texting…always lamentable.

    What? This category was made for you!

  4. Herb Says:

    Our AA is named Chuck Bass and he sings in the company chorus here. Teen Idol? Maybe in 1984…


  5. Stella Says:

    I would kick your ass in the frozen food/wine accompaniment category. Let’s stage a supermarket sweep!!

    Laura Ingalls, The Whore Version
    (new pair every day this week bitches!)

    You are the Damn Bootie Queen…

  6. Malnurtured Snay Says:

    10 Ways To Present Box Mac And Cheese As A Gourmet Meal


    It’s all about the garnish.

  7. J.M. Tewkesbury Says:

    20 Ways To Determine If Your Boyfriend Is So In The Closet He Can See Narnia

    Bwahahahahahahaaaa! Oh. Priceless. I hardly think C.S. Lewis had that in mind when he invented his famous magic closet! One day I’m going to borrow that line from you. (With attribution, of course.)

    I got that somewhere and I can’t figure out where. Ack.

  8. Brett Says:

    J.M. Tewkesbury beat me to it… was actually going to write “Priceless.”

    And why would Laura Ingalls rock the bootie short? Not slutty enough for the thong?

    I’m not sure if they had butt floss in the Little House Days…

  9. Laina Says:

    Because I know you’re desperately awaiting my commentary:

    Any fifth grader can present Mac and Cheese as a gourmet meal. They would eat it at EVERY meal given the chance.

    I too would rock the law school and Diet Coke categories. Sadly I have moved beyond Diet Coke into the more advanced “Monster: how quickly does it destroy your kidneys” category.

    I have bootie shoes that would drive Manzo Wilder, well, wild. However, they don’t leave the house, to protect both my reputation and my ankles.

    Oh, and a new category for you. “Reasons why anyone who runs for public office should take a mental evaluation because it’s a crazy f’ing idea.” 😉

    I also imagined Manzo Wilder as a hottie. For him, I might wear booties.

  10. ella Says:

    i swear on all things holy and liz tayor… i shot diet coke out of my nose at the “narnia” reference.

    “all things holy and Liz Taylor” has been entered into the memory bank. Will be employed as soon as I successfully find a time to use “shit bubbles.”

  11. AnonaEsq Says:

    I think that Laina and you wouldn’t stand a chance with the 101 reasons. You are both gainfully employed. I on the other hand am now considering a previous profession…yes you both know what I mean.

    Additionally, credit for Narnia, thank you very much.

    You would own 101 reasons. Heck, you could write the category. And as for Narnia, I was racking my brain trying to remember where that came from. Webbernets, behold AnonaEsq. She’s witty as hell, she needs a microloan to get her business off the ground (or she needs a job to finance said business), and she’s generous with her knowledge. Love her!!

  12. sofarleft Says:

    Although I acknowledge you as a strong contestant in the category, I will take you down in “Disappointing Bedfellows”…unfortunately…

    And I think we should team up for Vodka Mixers/Overpriced Microbrews, as I have thorough knowledge of yummy West Coast beer (how I miss Pyramid, McMenamins & Rogue…totally worth the money). We would RULE those 5th graders!

    Welcome, teammate. Did you bring refreshments?

  13. Thomas Says:

    My 3-year old niece had to tell me how to fully appreciate my iPod Touch.

    They keep learning younger and younger…

  14. Fiery Nuggets Says:

    I love Chuck Bass as a teen idol. I think Joe Scarborough would get a kick out of this and make fun of Chuck for it on National TV!

    Chuckles is totally a teen idol. He’s also an idol to a limited number of those in the 25-85 set. He’s that glorious.

  15. LiLu Says:

    And this is why I heart you, so so dearly, my darling. You are the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the Blair to my Serena.

    The Rose to your Blanche?

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