An Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored

To: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

From: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

Subject: Inquiry

So, what’s my favorite big, strong, burly man doing tomorrow afternoon?

************

To: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

From: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

Subject: In your dreams

I am not helping you carry a Christmas tree home.

************

To: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

From: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

Subject: Play nice in my sandbox

You say it like it’s far? Plus you work out, Muscles McGee.

************

To: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

From: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

Subject: Still not doing it

Even with my biceps of steel, one point one miles uphill with a full-sized tree equates to fartastic.

PS – Play nice in my sandbox? You want to go there? Really?

************

To: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

From: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

Subject: Stop thinking dirty and focus. Tree = lynch pin of festive holiday decor. Do you want to be responsible for the lack of household Christmas spirit, Scroogie?

You forgot to mention the two feet of snow you would have to trudge through. Barefoot. On ice shards. But whatevs.

I’d be there to help.

************

To: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

From: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

Subject: The answer is still No.

That is all.

************

To: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

From: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

Subject: He-Man was sexy. Are you? A quiz.

  1. Do you love me? Circle Yes or No
  2. Do you like getting a piece? Circle Yes or No
  3. Do you ever want to see your Battlestar Galactica DVDs again? Circle Yes or No
  4. Do you want me to stop incessantly playing Trism on you iPhone? Circle Yes or No
  5. Do you secretly want to watch Gossip Girl on Monday but are too ashamed to admit it? Circle Yes or No

Scoring:

  • 4 to 5 answered in the affirmative: Congratulations! You are the Master of the Universe. But you still have to help your girlfriend drag home her tree. Bonus is, if you don’t bitch too much, she might be your She-Ra.
  • 2 to 3 answered in the affirmative: By the Power of Grayskull! You are still going to help me with the tree. Think of it as a Public Service to Eternia.
  • 1 answered in the affirmative: Even Skeltor would help. And you are a better boyfriend than Skeltor, right?

************

To: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

From: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

Subject: I picture you more as a Teela

She-Ra and He-Man were twins. Get it right!

************

To: eCrushBoy@sexyrepublicans.com

From: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com

Subject: Noted.

What about my tree?

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10 Responses to “An Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored”

  1. E Says:

    At least he didn’t see you as more of a Kowl.

    I secretly loved Kowl. It was the ears.

  2. Best X-Mas For You » Blog Archive » An Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored « Who Invented Roses Says:

    […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onAn Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored « Who Invented RosesHere’s a quick excerptFrom: me@ourlitigatorsarebetterthanyourlitigators.com. Subject: Stop thinking dirty and focus. Tree = lynch pin of festive holiday decor. Do you want to be responsible for the lack of household Christmas spirit, Scroogie? … […]

  3. Hot Christmas Online » Blog Archive » An Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored « Who Invented Roses Says:

    […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onAn Email Exchange Where I Clearly Am Bored « Who Invented RosesHere’s a quick excerptDo you want to be responsible for the lack of household Christmas spirit, Scroogie? You forgot to mention the two feet of snow you would have to trudge through. Barefoot. On ice shards. But whatevs. I’d be there to help. ************ … […]

  4. Herb Says:

    Oh good grief, unless you are asking him to snag that tree off of the South Lawn of the White House this is inexusable! Man up, eCrush!

    You know he has an ornament with G. W. on it? Crazeeee.

  5. Herb Says:

    it is also inexcusable.

    Spelling is HARD!

    Yes, it is.

  6. Jennifer Says:

    I can’t believe he wouldn’t help!

    eDouche, my boyfriend.

  7. LiLu Says:

    Oh, he’ll do it. And he’ll do it gladly. Maybe call it a Toy Box instead of Sand? It’ll put him in the Christmas spirit.

    And maybe I should throw in a Santa outfit. He can ask me if I”ve been naughty…

  8. Brett Says:

    What? The kid is still in the picture? Hmph, he better man up and carry you a goddamn tree!

    Can’t live with him, can’t live without him…

  9. suz Says:

    Dude, my bf’s an emo dick and he still cut down my tree with a dull axe and dragged it through the snow. What is this?

    My boyfriend’s a Republican Yuppie who doesn’t own a hammer. He can’t carry a tree. It might ruin his manicure. Er, I mean, man hand buff massage thingie.

  10. Doug Says:

    Thats why I’m glad I’m Jewish. Menorah’s aren’t all that big 😉

    Must speak to you about possibility of converting…

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