Ready For My Public Stoning

Attention, Universe:

It’s official. eCrush and I are dating again. The line to start kicking my ass starts to my left.

But just know I am not entirely moronic. Slightly? Yes. But totally? Absolutely not. Because, Interwebs, I have the ultimate in Dick Me Over Again And Watch Me Go Lizzie Borden On Your Ass type ammunition. It’s a video that’s more disturbing than the Paris Hilton Sex Tape. It holds more relationship power than Nuclear China. It’s the best pee-your-pants-from-laughing blackmail video a Lawyerly Mind could devise on short notice: three glorious minutes and 13 exquisite seconds of eCrush doing the Chicken Dance in my kitchen while wearing nothing but polka dot boxers, black socks, and a headband with donkey ears attached. Don’t ask me how I got it. Just know that if he ever cheats again, it’s going up on YouTube. And it’s a masterpiece.

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8 Responses to “Ready For My Public Stoning”

  1. Laina Says:

    OMFG, you kill me. That’s PERFECT.

  2. evier Says:

    Good thinking ahead!

    Sometimes you do have to forgive people and give them another chance. My boyfriend and I broke up for a while after he picked up another girl while we were on a date one night. I still tease him about it, but he realized his mistake pretty quickly. It took a while for me to trust him again, but 2 years later we’re doing OK now.

  3. laura Says:

    : )

  4. suz Says:

    congrats! may he never give you reason to use your blackmail (even though i desperately want you to pass it around anyway).

  5. LiLu Says:

    It has to go up no matter what if you guys ever split again. Unless it’s amicable. Which we all know only exist in Planet Gay Unicorn land (http://www.planetunicorn.tv/episodes.html).

  6. Zandria Says:

    You know what’s funny? When I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend earlier this year, I had the same idea…that if we ever got back together, I’d film him doing something embarrassing, with the knowledge that if he ever did anything he shouldn’t ever again, I’d post it on my blog. We didn’t end up getting back together (“Thank God,” I say to that), but the video was definitely an option. 🙂

  7. lyssabits Says:

    Your seven loyal readers would never stone you. eCrush, if he breaks your heart again, on the other hand.. 😉 Between the groveling and the blackmail video I think appropriate revenge was taken for the cheating incident. And you know, what’s more important than a stranger from the internet’s opinion? 😉

  8. Gilahi Says:

    You know, some things are just too cruel. If you must, resort to castration, crucifixion, starvation, whatever, but don’t ever, ever, show a man’s semi-naked chicken dance video to anyone.

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