The Band-Aid that Just Showed Up at My Office

My camera phone sucks. But you get the idea.

How do you say, “Not gonna make it better, you flaming retard,” in French?

Flowers

Flowers

Edited later to add more pictures:

Flowers in a vase

Flowers in a vase

Bionic Interest

Bionic Interest

Bionic Play Thing

Bionic Play Thing

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14 Responses to “The Band-Aid that Just Showed Up at My Office”

  1. pithycomments Says:

    isn’t there a site out there where you can send arrangements of dead fishies to that special someone? 😉

  2. Shannon Says:

    He couldn’t even spring for a vase? Wow, he’s a jerk, and he’s cheap.

  3. kjohnsonesq Says:

    No, but they are Metro-friendly because the (many) stems have water caps on them. I have come up with two acceptable options, so far. First, enjoy until Sunday and then whack him over the head with them. Second, put them in his toilet with a note that says, “Our Love.”

  4. Stella Says:

    Haha, I totally vote for option 2. Or better yet, option 3: give them to a homeless person on your way out of the office. It will be a pain in the ass to carry them on the Metro regardless of the lack of vase.

  5. suz Says:

    Ugh, what a cop out! I advocate the toilet idea, though why not take it a step further and clog the thing up.

  6. michelle Says:

    count me as another vote for the toilet idea!

  7. pithycomments Says:

    toilet idea + contents of Bionic Kitty’s litter box = win!

  8. Lyssabits Says:

    If you’re serious about the french thing.. My french post-doc friend had this suggestion:

    Des fleurs, gros con. Rien ne peut t’excuser espece de sous merde sans nom.

    He says it roughly translates to, “Flower, you dumbass? You have no excuses you nameless, lower than shit.”

  9. E Says:

    There had better be some serious groveling to accompany those or a boy little will find thorns in regrettable places as he ages.

  10. E Says:

    There had better be some serious groveling to accompany those or a boy like that will find thorns in regrettable places as he ages. Commenting twice because the intrawebs are challenging this weekend.

  11. Jocelyn Says:

    Cut them up into bits with scissors and mail them in a box to eJerk Boy. Cutting things will probably make you feel good, but only if you feel strong enough to be in the proximity of sharp objects without causing personal harm.

  12. sofarleft Says:

    Love the toilet idea! And maybe an open jar of earwigs under his bed… Gives me the creeps to think about it, but, well, he shouldn’t f*ck with you! 🙂

  13. E Says:

    And a partridge in a pear tree!

  14. AnonaEsq Says:

    You find mystery lingerie in his apartment, he dumps you by text message and then goes into silent mode while out of the county???? Then he sends you a summer mix of flowers!

    Sorry ass groveling and/or apology. Roses are the appropriate flower for that sort of behavior…and very good Belgian chocolate.

    Damned Republicans.

    I would shred the flowers and mix liberally with some Bionic Kitty poo. Deliver them to his apartment while he is still out of town so the mixture gets good and ripe for opening.

    Oh and put some shrimp shells in the curtain rods so he will remember you for a long time. I know you are allergic, so wear some gloves.

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