Scrabble Beta: I quit you!

It was a devastating day when Scrabulous was pulled off Facebook. Overnight, I went from a 98% win rate to No More Internal Gloating. It had taken me months of dedicated word play to reach that win percentage and suddenly, it was ripped away. Plus, with the loss of Scrabulous, a major lynchpin to my finely honed workplace procrastination schedule was removed. I was adrift for days. There were tears. It wasn’t pretty.

For a few weeks, I tried valiantly to find a replacement. There was a brief exploration of Facebook bowling, a two day frenzied love affair with Text Twist, and a period where I went crazy with the Flair giving. But it was just not the same. Eventually, I spent a lot less time socially networking on Facebook and more time actually doing real stuff. Then one unassuming afternoon, I opened up my notifications to find a friend had invited me to Scrabble Beta. I swear I heard the Hallelujah Chorus in surround sound. I hit accept and expected a quick return to my Scrabble Happy Zone.

No such luck. Scrabble Beta and I didn’t even enjoy a Honeymoon Period. In fact, I’m so disenchanted after less than a week playing Scrabble Beta, that a friend had to send me a reminder nudge about our game yesterday. Me. The Fanatic. Nudged. That’s saying something.

What should be the most simple thing on Scrabble Beta — starting a new game — is like planning the freaking invasion of Normandy. It took me five minutes, a trip to the FAQ (which does not address this obviously FAQish topic), and some cursing to find the button that says “new game.” Locating a button should not be that difficult for my highly educated, superior brain. Even leaving that issue aside, a new game still takes forever go begin. First, I have to name the game. Seriously. Who came up with that brilliant idea, Hasboro? It’s ridunkulous that I must title the Scrabble session before I can start slaughtering my opponent. In protest, I choose things like “Scrabble Beta’s naming requirement is retarded” or “Scrabble Beta, you so deserved to have your intellectual property violated if this is the best application you can develop.” Once naming is taken care of, I am still not able to play, but at least I can finally pick my victim. I guess that’s some form of progress. Then Scrabble Beta has to load things. It lets me know this by spelling it out for me in little Scrabble Tile graphics. L-O-A-D-I-N-G. Annoying and I am still not allowed to play because this is the point where the program forces the player to look at the board from afar. I can’t figure this step out. Why can’t I just zoom into the board and play? Is Hasboro trying to awe me with the inherent beauty of a Scrabble Board? Whatever the reason, it’s an unnecessary step and by this point, St. Katherine’s patience is a distant memory. And yet, before I can take my turn, Scrabble Beta must do the reL-O-A-D-I-N-G dance. It takes its sweet time to go from the screen where I have to survey the board to the closer up screen where I can actually manipulate stuff. You know, the place it should have gone two steps ago. Gah. But finally, at long, long last, it relents and lets me play my word. From start to finish, I swear, the entire thing takes five minutes. It’s uber aggravating. Scrabulous was so much better. Click new game and… voila!

Scrabble Beta Issue Numero Two: this program doesn’t seem to remain updated in real time. So, if Bekah and I are engaged in a Scrabble Rampage, I have to keep refreshing. And L-O-A-D-I-N-G. And refreshing. And L-O-A-D-I-N-G. This morning, it was enough to make me go “Aaaagrft” at a slightly inappropriate for work volume. My admin came in and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t very well tell her that Scrabble Beta was making me lose my mind. Instead, I rattled off some nonsense about a client and lack of caffeine. Lying to my admin because of Scrabble Beta might be an indicator I need help. Or that the application sucks big lemon-flavored donkey balls.

And don’t get me started on the inability to simply jump to my next live game without L-O-A-D-I-N-G for the bajillionth time. Or how every game I start initially gives me an H, Y, and X. Every. Single. One. Plus, each turn my opponent takes results in a Facebook notification. That’s like 24 notifications a day for no reason other than to clog my newsfeed. And playing Scrabble Beta with the sound on is like implanting a crack-laced humming bird into directly into the cranium.

But hands down, the worst thing about Scrabble Beta is the Two Word List under the Dictionary tab. Yep. Hasboro is encouraging cheating. And there is NO CHEATING IN SCRABBLE, damn it! This game is a Serious Endeavor wherein all forms of outside assistance are frowned upon. Victory should be hard won, solitary, and honest, without the aid of a two letter word list. Anything else is against Scrabble Code and by extension, dishonorable. Especially because I’ve spent months slowly memorizing that stinking list.

Scrabble Beta is just a hot mess. I wish Scrabulous would come back!


2 Responses to “Scrabble Beta: I quit you!”

  1. Lola Famous Says:

    Q-U-I-T. Good word, you Scrabulicious woman, you! That’s like at least 10 points for the letter Q, right?

  2. kjohnsonesq Says:

    I am told by Jill that I have a problem. Apparently I fall under a Scrabble Addict Classification.

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