eCrush Boy’s Fashion Travesty, or My Eyes are Still Burning in their Sockets

The email I sent:

eCrush Boy –

Thanks again for bringing over dinner last night. Soup and US Weekly go a long way to making a girl feel better. You are a gem.

Hugs, Me

The email I wanted to send:

Dear eCrush Boy:

Initially, I had no words. Horror had overcome all else. But I’ve had all night to come to grips and I find that I, in fact, do have a lot to say. Primarily:

Oh. My. God.

If you persist in wearing madras pants, we are going to have to break up. While I really like you, I also have Standards and those Standards do not allow for fugly anything. Were you aware that in some societies (well, actually, all of them), madras pants are considered an abomination? Yep, people see them as a blight on all things leg wear. More awful than leg warmers. Worse than Crocs, even.

I don’t care if they do come from J. Crew and speak to your inner yuppie. It doesn’t matter if all the trendy people in Logan Circle are wearing them. You are not trendy. Nope, you are a straight man from the Midwest. Your uniform is supposed to be flannel and khakis. Maybe a button down. While I acknowledge you now live in The District and have gone all Metrosexual, that means the realm of socially acceptable fashion has now expanded to pink shirts. NOT madras pants.

Don’t do it again.

Yours in disgust, Me

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14 Responses to “eCrush Boy’s Fashion Travesty, or My Eyes are Still Burning in their Sockets”

  1. Lola Famous Says:

    Again, this is why I believe he is a long lost brother of Tucker Carlson.

  2. Lola Snow Says:

    There are just no words, no words at all, to describe the hideousness of that garment. i would have poured the soup in my eyes to avoid looking at them. it shows remarkable strength of character, patience and understanding not to have sent the alternate email……oh the humanity!

  3. Laina Says:

    Um, Croc girl. While I appreciate all the fashion advice you’ve given fashion challenged ME, I’m not entirely sure you’re qualified anymore, given your recent footwear crimes, to dispense fashion advice.

    Just kidding. Seriously, those pants should never be on a man over the age of three.

  4. Melissa Says:

    At first I thought, what pants could be that bad. Then I looked at the link. That was horrible. Why would any one do that to their legs? Why?

  5. Laina Says:

    Okay, I just looked too, and I take back the Croc comment, even if it was meant in jest anyway. My DAD has better fashion sense than anyone who’d wear those, although I must admit Sam had a pair of the patchwork madras shorts a couple of years ago, and they were adorable. But they were SHORTS. And he met the under 3 rule.

  6. kjohnsonesq Says:

    Imagine opening the door to that. Imagine dating that. Imagine trying not to laugh all night.

    That is all.

  7. pithycomments Says:

    I commend you for not screaming in horror and then slamming the door shut. Cuz that’s what I would have done. And then hid under my bed.

    Should he wear them again maybe you could “accidentally” spill catnip on him and let the kittehs at ’em. Though, cats might have the good taste not to get near such gag-inducing things.

  8. Herb Says:

    I love those pants! Granted I might be more of the appropriate age and sexual orentation for wearing them, though.

    Can you offer to launder them and “lose” them? To me?

  9. Average Jane Says:

    so I was correct in putting down the really cute madras shorts?

    Note: I am 100% not qualified on any level to make fashion decisions. You’d know.

  10. laura Says:

    Solution: Red wine.

    You get tipsy, and “accidentally” spill some on the pants. Tipsy = win. No more horrific pants = win.

  11. areyoureallyalawyer Says:

    I am not sure spilling anything on those pants would ruin them. I bet it would just blend in.

  12. Laina Says:

    I think shorts are okay, just not full length pants. Pants make me think of old men and golf shoes. Shorts, by virtue of covering a smaller space, can be a little more wacky print-wise and still be acceptable.

    But I still own a pair of blue plaid/daisy Doc Martens, so I’m probably not the person to listen to.

  13. Housekeeping « Who Invented Roses Says:

    […] of DC. He apparently owns madras pants. While I generally abhor that evil form of legwear, there’s something about Herb that leads me to believe he can pull them […]

  14. Public Addressing eCrush’s Clothing: A Cyber Outing « Who Invented Roses Says:

    […] negates his previous fashion street cred and causes extreme bafflement. Like when he broke out the madras pants. Or the other day, when he sported a Lilly Pulitzer shirt complete with popped collar. (This, of […]

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