Things I currently can’t figure out

1. Twilight. I got the books. I’m reading ‘em. And this is what the fuss was about? I, the Queen of All Things Trashy Romance Novel, do not get it. If this is what women/teenagers/mommy bloggers in this country think undying, eternal love is, somebody please shoot me. The main character is nothing but a poorly written 1950’s throwback with a really bad inner ear infection. And Edward needs to go to a Stalkers Anonymous meeting. Seriously, at one point, I think he actually hides in Bella’s bushes. It’s just 695 pages of “I love you.” “No, I love you more.” “No, I love you more because I am a vampire and I can’t have you.” “No, I love you more because you are a vampire and I still love you and want you even if your chest is cold.” And then there are five pages of random vampire evil thrown in towards the end. I am assuming this is supposed to be the plot.

2. Why my office temperature is set on Permanent Ice Age. Perhaps it is supposed to balance out the winter setting, Sweat Like A Menopausal Woman?

3. What to eat for lunch. Chop’t? Vapiano? Best Dressed Burrito? Big Mental Quandary.

4. How my pink post-its keep disappearing into a vortex of Desk Nothingness.

5. Olympic Fever. Am I the only person in America who doesn’t get the whole “Olympics” thing? It’s like a big convention of high school loser sports that nobody actually really cares about. But once every couple of years, humanity decides to make nice and pay attention. Seriously. Rhythmic Gymnastics? They dance with a hula hoop and big ribbon, for cryin’ out loud. Give me a beer and I can do that, only more funny. Shooting? Yep. We do that in Ohio. It’s called Saturday Afternoon. Heck, I don’t even understand synchronized swimming and Little Sister did it for years. I get these people are athletes, well, except the ones that play table tennis.  And that it’s all about people coming together blah blah blah. Sort of the athletic version of Kumbaya. But really, do we really need to bond over flat water kayaking?

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6 Responses to “Things I currently can’t figure out”

  1. pithycomments Says:

    So with you on the Twilight books. I’m halfway through the first one and there damn well better be some vampy sex or something cuz, there’s only so much teen angst I can take.

    Meh, at least it’s more entertaining than the Olympics…

  2. michelle Says:

    Twilight – I recently started reading them. Liked Twilight, New Moon I was more luke warm on. (The preview trailers for Twilight look good in a John Hughes crossed with Interview with a Vampire kind of way…you know there making a movie based on the first book, right?)

    Waiting for my holds on Eclipse and Breaking Dawn to be available at the library.

  3. kjohnsonesq Says:

    Hate to tell you, but there’s no vampy getting-it-on until the last book and you have plenty of teen angst ahead of you.

  4. Average Jane Says:

    The Olympics elude me. I get it… the world loves each other. Yay. Sportsmanship. But, like, meh. Nothing. Although those swimmers are kind of the hottness.

  5. Laina Says:

    With you on Twilight. Every other piece of Facebook Flair is some Twilight bullshit. Which of course makes me feel like an old loser for having an account on a site where the average age is clearly 14.

    As for the Olympics, I’m forever perplexed at the list of things considered “sport”. Beach volleyball and TRAMPOLINE gymnastics (even weirder than rythymic, I swear) ARE sports, but this year softball is NOT an Olympic sport. I’m starting to think that the amount of bouncing boobies plays a really big part in determining what is or is not an Olympic sport.

  6. laura Says:

    eh, I like the olympics. Especially swimming and gymnastics. Mostly because I cannot fathom being in that kind of shape. And France started trash talking, and I want to see them eat their stupid french words when we kick their little derierre’s. Or however its spelled.

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