The Metro Lady Loses It

It’s 5:30 and everybody wants to go home. The Metro is a wee bit crowded since a train somewhere on the line has gone kaput and this is the first train in FOREEEVVVEEERR, and FOREEEVVVEEERR is especially long right now because it’s prime commute hour(s). A friend once told me that in China there is a subway employee and their sole job is to push more people into the crowded subway cars. Metro never needs that employee, since DC commuters seem to do just fine themselves. Today’s case in point:


The Metro Woman Announcer Lady: (on the loud speaker) People, stand away from the doors! (as she dings the little bell and flashes the lights and uses all of her other Metro Stand Away From the Door Tricks)

People on Metro: (engage in Universal Code of Metro Silence)

The Metro Woman Announcer Lady: STAND AWAY FROM THE DOORS PEOPLE!

People on Metro: (keep packing ‘em in, still in silence)

The Metro Woman Announcer Lady: If the doors go flying open because you people are shoving in, and leaning on them, it’s not my fault. But I can tell  you know, you’ll all go popping out like popcorn and then some of you will die on the rails. Not my idea of a good time filling out all those forms. If it’s yours, then fine by me. It’s your life. Pop out like popcorn for all I care. Lean against the doors and you will DIE. But if you value your life and don’t want to be Metro Popcorn, GET AWAY FROM THE DOORS, PEOPLE! WE HAVE MORE TH AN ONE TRAIN. GET AWAY FROM THE *&(#&^#(*$^(#*&(*&*&&*&#G@%^%&^ (to indicate a very long cuss word) DOORS!

People on Metro: (look at each other out of the corners of their eyes. Silence remains. Still leaning on the doors)

One Person near the back of the car: (breaks Universal Code of Metro Silence and engages in a nervous giggle)

One Person in my car, who gets the Daring Soul Award, pushes the emergency intercom: If I go flying out, tell my wife I love her.

Everybody in my car: (Laughter)

The Metro Woman Announcer Lady: That’s not funny people.

People on Metro: (once again engage once more in Universal Code of Metro Silence)


Oh but it is.


One Response to “The Metro Lady Loses It”

  1. patrick Says:

    Atonement was an OK flick; it looked and felt a lot like Pride and Prejudice… come to think of it, both movies have the same director, leading lady, both are based on books and both take place in England

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: