Since I’m not working for the next month, I decided this was the perfect time to grow out my unibrow and get it professionally reshaped. I do this about once every two or three years, where I just suck it up and let nature have its way with my face. It’s a month of utter humiliation as Old Man Hairs magically spring up. From somewhere in my fine European ancestry, I’ve inherited a particularly thick and luxurious brow with a couple of really grizzly hairs. At some point, I am sure it all served an evolutionary purpose that allowed my ancestors to survive the harsh climate and all that, but now it’s just a pain in the butt to pluck daily. What I wouldn’t give for a couple extra hundred bucks for some hardcore electrolysis.

Anyway, it’s been about a week where I’ve stopped all usual maintenance and things are looking a little scary in the brow area. I’ve got some straggler hairs, I’ve basically doubled the usual brow thickness and there is no distinction between the two brows. Thank God for glasses. At least with them, it looks like I have two distinct eyes.

This morning, I was at the grocery store getting milk and cat litter. The little boy in the check out line before me was decked out in those super cute European style clothes and his mom, all skin and bones and with no business looking like that in Columbus, Ohio, was watching the housekeeper unload the cart. The little boy looked up at me and pointed at the new unibrow.

“Mommy, she looks like Charlie Chaplin.”

“Good association, Wade.”

I got out the tweezers.

And I no longer like the name Wade.


2 Responses to “Unibrow”

  1. me Says:

    I think you should have bitch- slapped the mom and pimp slapped little Wade.

    Not because their rude but as a reality check.

  2. kjohnsonesq Says:

    Thanks Phil! I am still wondering what they were doing at the Eagle and not at Whole Foods…

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