In the last month…

1. I bought Number Two a dog bone. Yes, she’s a cat. I was told that this might re-channel her from her newfound love of chewing things like furniture legs, empty wine bottles, bed spreads, that sort of thing. So, I made one of my friends drive me to Target where I spent $2.99 plus tax on the smallest size of those gross, white chewy hide dog bone things that I swear smell like baked bean farts. It has since sat on the living room floor. Two whole days of not being touched, not being chewed. I even tried rubbing cat nip and, later, tuna juices on it. That was a nasal experience that I wish I could forget. Anyway, the bone is still is on the living room floor, stinking up the place with its tuna meets slobbery doggie aroma. And today I notice that Number Two had chewed on a picture frame. What’s with my cats? Could somebody please explain?

2. A position in Chicago opened up with the office where I do Lawyerly Things. Moving pros and cons are currently weighing heavily on the mental landscape. It is attractive because, among other reasons, I could see myself as a Girl In The City. I would be a Fabulous GITC. Sort of like Carrie but with cheaper shoes and a bigger booty. But, wow. Leaving? I finally ate at all the Chipotles within 20 miles. To start over again…

3. I renewed my subscription to US Weekly. Who was I kidding? I went two weeks without it and I thought I’d lost a limb. During these Turbulent Trials of Britney, it is my Bible.

4. I watched Seasons One to Four of Smallville. The brain rot continues unabated. Would they just kill off Lana all ready?

5. There was some more testing to determine why I’m having problems these days. The long and short is that I am pretty much a smarty pants and the tester really shouldn’t ask me to give examples of a ballad. My sentence: “Every Rose Has Its Thorn was a master example of the Power Ballad.”

6. My face has rebelled against the combination of excessive Skittle consumption and humid weather. I’ve acquired some sort of mini-chicken poxish pimple thing that has focused on my chin, forehead and nose. And my mother wonders why I am still single…

7. I now refuse to drink water. At first, it was only water from the tap. I figured it had something to do with Ohio’s water table and bottled was safte. Then, I learned the problem was more widespread. It extended into neighboring states and even other continents. I have 18 friends who are pregnant and there are three women at work about to pop any day now. The only common factors (besides marital snookie) is that they drink water and breathe air. I can’t give up the latter, so I’m attributing it to the former. Viva Diet Coke!

8. 20 more days until I can drive. The thought of driving again is almost as good as the previously mentioned snookie.

9. I discovered ABBA. Bliss.

10. Bionic Kitty has not succeeded in killing herself this month. Although she made a good attempt last week when I was bringing in groceries. In a moment of physical activity unlike anything she’s engaged in in months, she sprinted between my legs, attempting to make it to the Great Outdoors. I’m happy to report that the entire watermelon that I dropped on her head while trying to stop her did not faze her at all. Still, it did stop her Braveheart moment.


2 Responses to “Happenings”

  1. Kelly Says:

    It’s nice to see you back and blogging…I was getting kind of lonely without you. I started hanging out with Pumper (name changed to protect his identity)-my stupid dog- who is attracted to cats (hence the name). He wanted to know why Bionic Kitty did not show up for their date.

  2. Terri S Says:

    Sorry to hear the dog bone did not do the trick!

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