Phone Gems

My phone sent me a nasty gram yesterday. Apparently, my text message sent box only holds 100 messages and the good folks at Verizon saw fit to let me know I was approaching the magic number. It was time to clean phone house, so that I could let the texting fingers fly once again. Some of the special moments I cleaned off (probably written under circumstances of martini related alternation):

It’s 2 am, where is the nearest Border? I must run
Pee. Priority.
They’ve got to be hair plugs.
Saving Liberty on one channel and Beethoven 3 on another. What’s a girl to do?
Dawg.
Dawg. Pass the salt
What would Nina Simone do?
What would Kelly Clarkson do?
What would Bullwinkle do?
I think the member is throbbing.
I have a finely honed ability to locate mullets, toupees, and women with mall bangs
Kiss him. NO! FRENCH HIM!
Square gum is amazing.
Then I decided I hated human beings so I went to WalMart
Pick up the phone, Texty
Ditto, Kiddo
My opinion: he’s secretly gay. And unusually dumb.
Drunk with co-workers engaging in post work madness. Bad Kate! You know the rules!
We all lie, Kels
Do not go near the fairy princess
I just saw Cher. Or her spawn.
Want me to maim him for ya?
Just let me get my magic lasso and the invisible plane
Ok, Abbott
That was a verbal Lorena Bobbit
PS It’s bc you are so f-ing fine
Abort abort!
Power Hour! Eat marshmallows!
You engage in a lot of nefarious acts
Who drew on my hand
I’m telling my mom on you
Should I buy the shoes?
That’s a tangent
Shoes! Focus!
You aren’t supposed to let me have my phone when I’m like this. Confiscation exists for a reason.

I’ve come to the conclusion that drunken text messages are funny. To me.

Advertisements

One Response to “Phone Gems”

  1. Laina Says:

    OMG, I’m dying trying to imaging what precipitated most of those. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: