The Name Game

My friend recently went through the harrowing step which helps move a relationship from Simple Dating to Alter Bound: she met the parents of her boyfriend. When I heard this, I internally groaned. I’ve just moved significantly closer to donning yet another ugly bridesmaid dress. Dang Nabbit.

Anyway, it seems The Introduction went well. Friend emerged on The Mom’s good side and genuinely liked Boyfriend’s family. She was particularly happy that things went smoothly since His Family is composed of avid wine connoisseurs. Friend is known as the One And A Half Beer Queer within her circle and emptying a stomach on the Potential Mother-In-Law’s couch was not part of her Impress Them Game Plan. With slow and skilled sipping, she managed to limit her wine consumption and remain semi-sober amidst the drinking madness. At the end of the weekend, Friend emerged knowing that The Rock was one step closer to finding its way onto her hand and that she still loved Boyfriend despite learning about his embarrassing childhood moments.

Except, apparently, there was one glitch. Around the dinner table, after his share of the wine stash, Boyfriend referred to Friend by her nickname. The nickname that happens to be the Super Secret Bedroom Name he had given her. Yeah, he referred to her as Nipples.

Of course, there was a reaction from The Mom. She was a bit startled as she had “raised her son better than that.” Then again, never underestimate the power of a good red to overcome years of the best breeding. Boyfriend apologized, grabbed some more wine, and nobody mentioned it for the rest of the weekend. Friend accepted the situation and thought it had died down. After all, who would remember a nickname when they were so awed by her shining personality? No such luck. It seems that yesterday afternoon, Boyfriend’s Little Sister called. She was the only member of The Family to have missed this event. Anyway, as she hung up the phone, she apparently told Boyfriend that she loved him and to “say hello to Nipples for me.” Appears that Nipples’ fame has spread across the Atlantic. Nipples is not happy.

I advised Nipples that she needs a Really Big Honking Rock if she’s going to live a lifetime with this moniker. Oh, and at the next event, she needs to accidently refer to Boyfriend by his New Name: Gherkin.


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