Love In My Brain

If I am telling the truth, and not just appeasing my mother, I am currently avoiding men. The Scum Sucking Jerk Face (aka Married Man Who Deserves To Be Put Into A Chamber of Unspeakable Horribleness And Torture) left my desire to date in the toilet. In the last few months, I’ve avoided anything that could remotely lead to a dating-esque scenario. No bars with singles scenes, no gyms (the Working Man’s Pick Up Location), and no dating websites. Wait, I did hop on a dating website. It was free, so I did take advantage of e-harmony’s free communication weekend. But I only did it because it was FREE, as in no cost involved (and I’m homebound so what else am I going to do between Gilmore Girl DVDs). I viewed it like the samples the grocery store has on Saturday. I’ve got to try them on principle but I highly doubt I am actually going to buy a package of free range cheese-stuffed turkey-cow-pork-dogs. So, of course I shopped the man market when it was given to me for a few free days, but with no intention to buy. Instead of actual interaction with the opposite sex, my love life now exists in my happy little mental world. It centers largely around Prince William, but sometimes to spice it up, I pinch hit Matt Damon. I seem to have a thing for blondes. Anyway, recently another person I know was discussing how she also is experiencing a man-adverse period. Strangely, she too has a mental world where she turns to avoid real male relationships. Granted, her mental world features Al Franken and Bill Clinton, but who am I to judge?

To be clear, our happy little lives of fantasy don’t revolve around anything sexual (so stop thinking that, you dirty perv). Rather they tend to be pretty silly. We both focus on what our super ostentatious mega-mansions would look like with Fantasy Man, how pouffy our wedding dresses would be when we married our Mental Hunks, and if he could sing karaoke (OK, that one is just me). We both have elaborate internal scenarios where we would meet said celebrity and they would fall madly in love with us. Some are more based in reality than others, but even the semi-feasible are still never gonna happen in a million years. For example, I really don’t see myself moving to England as an international fashion model who just “wants to be left alone” after the agonies of fame and paparazzi become too much, where I will then randomly meet Wills. But even knowing there is not an element of reality, it’s still fun to imagine. It’s like a giant mental Barbie game for adult women. And it’s much better to be mentally dumped by Prince William than actually dumped by Jerkface (in case of doubt about what is a Jerkface, that’s a nifty link).


2 Responses to “Love In My Brain”

  1. Kelly Says:

    I took the jerkface quiz…

    I am considered a “buddy” with an impressive score of 12 & I enjoyed the pictures that acompanied the quiz.

    In case you care to know, my screen name on okCupid is “TacoRosa”. I had to sign up on their page to get my results… You think that name will be a hit with the boys??

  2. kjohnsonesq Says:

    Oh yeah. No question.

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