Bionic Kitty: Stupid Cat Thing 823,470,768,465,468

Bionic Kitty likes to hide in tight spaces. Granted, for a 15 pound cat, “tight” is relevant. Usually, this means the bath tub. Or behind the couch. She is also a big fan of large mailing boxes, laundry baskets, and over sized Nordstrom bags. It’s just a matter of her squishing her pudgy middle section into the space, turning around so she faces out and there she’ll sit for hours, scornfully watching the world pass. Two weeks ago, she discovered an empty water bottle container I had sitting by the trash can and this became her latest prime real estate for endless sitting. Every time I tried to move the container, she sprinted into the kitchen — and she can move when her food or the snooze location du jour is at stake — and hissed me into submission. Once, I ignored the fit and even made it to the outside door with the empty container. Mistake. She immediately ran to the standing planter I’ve got near the door and purposely lunged at it, spilling three potted plants across the kitchen and sending huge amounts of wet potting soil into the vents. After two hours of clean up (most of which was spent trying to jimmy up the vent covers with a butter knife), I decided I’d been bested by a moronic cat and would leave the darn water bottle container alone.

But of course, I had to take pictures. I’m obsessed with my cats and their general stupidity and nothing less than full documentation would suffice. In my efforts to stake out a good shot, I had a camera sitting on the kitchen counter for about eight days. Anytime I heard the telling, “crinkle, crinkle, whoosh” of the plastic stretching to accommodate her, I would sneak try to capture it on film. But Bionic Kitty hates the paparazzi. She always got out before I could take a single picture. I tried multiple tactics. One night, I sat for about an hour on the floor, waiting to see if she would get in. I’m currently an insomniac, so what else is there to do at 1 a.m.? Another night, I put the camera on the floor, set to take a picture as soon as she got in. As soon as the battery died, Bionic Kitty went into the thingie. She knows, I tell you. Finally, last night, I got some pictures. Never underestimate the power of bribery. Putting cat treats into the darn container helped.

The Container.

Going in.

Glaring at The World.

Step one of getting out: the shimmy.



One Response to “Bionic Kitty: Stupid Cat Thing 823,470,768,465,468”

  1. Laina Says:

    LMAO! They make tiny little doghouses for cats, do you think you could replace the water box with that?

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