2007 Birthday Countdown!

There are 13 days until I turn 25. Again. OK, for the fourth time. I have been thinking long and hard about what I want. What else do I have to do? Plus, this is a joyous occasion which I demand be acknowledged by the entire planet.

I’ve decided to make it easy on everybody and start off my Birthday Countdown (aka Shameless Present Solicitation) by exploring Things I Don’t Want:

1. Anything related to cars, driving, Henry Ford, or any mode of transportation besides walking. I can’t drive for another four months and it is a cruel taunt to remind me that not all adults ride to work with their dads.

2. Food. Inactivity has made my butt swell to never before seen proportions. Food quickens the growth process. The exception to this would be a Graeter’s Birthday Cake in Mint Chocolate Chip or Vanilla Turtle.

3. Fuzzy socks. My previously declared love of my red fuzzy socks brought on an onslaught of various other colored fuzzy socks at Christmas. Eight pairs is enough.

4. A subscription to E-Harmony. I’ve sworn off men until they mature as a race. Sorry, Mom.

5. Anything I have to return. I can’t drive, thus I can’t return on my own, thus the fun of returning that hideous/awful/silly gift is negated by the call to Mom about getting a ride next Saturday.

6. Denim furniture. Not that I think I would get any, but just in case.

7. The new Avril Lavigne CD. She’s the mortal enemy of Britney Spears. After JT, Christina, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, her manager, K-fed, and the paparazzi. So of course I don’t want the CD. It would be betrayal of all that I adore.

8. The Nigella Lawson Salt Cellar. It’s cool, it’s funky, I want it, but where the heck am I going to keep it? Plus, I have decided that I only like people on the Food Network if a.) They have easy to pronounce names which I know how to say without sounding out b.) They are not Rachel Ray c.) They don’t go “BAM!” or talk about their kids excessively or shamelessly put their adult children on their TV show and d.) They don’t have infomercials on Bravo between the hours of 1 a.m. and 5 a.m.

9. The complete first season of any show on the WB/CW/whatever the teen channel is now. I’d like to keep the shreds of my television viewing dignity that remain.

10. Legos. Bionic Kitty will eat one. Imagine the consequences. *shudder*

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One Response to “2007 Birthday Countdown!”

  1. suzified Says:

    Hold up. I thought you were for real turning 25 and I was about to kill myself. Because that would mean I’m older than you. Which isn’t a bad thing, but I was like…Damn, you graduated from law school already and you’re just now turning 25?

    /pointless comment

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