Because she said I would

My friend Cindy sent me an email today that was one of those “meme” things. Usually, I don’t respond in a timely manner to those emails. Who really wants to know that I like ravioli? But, I felt obligated to post my answers because Cindy listed me in the “people who might actually respond” section and that’s never happened to me before. Nobody has listed me EVER and now I feel special. Let me also point out that I’ve been sleeping an obscene amount due to my fabulous new medication, but because Cindy has instilled this glowy, warm feeling, I now feel that in the four hours in which I actually will function today, I must prioritize this posting above the need to shower or even pee. If somebody has that kind of faith in me, who am I to let them down? So without further ado, here are four things Cindy never new about me…

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. The dry cleaning girl — the one who takes the smelly, dirty, icky clothes and has to tag them and check the pockets and put them in bags. And no, it is not acceptable to bring vomited upon clothes to the dry cleaner. And no, if 16 cents all in pennies if left in the pocket, the dry cleaner doesn’t bag it up special for you and give it back.
2. House sitter — I love your two dogs that are the size of small tanks and aren’t trained and run at the pace of an Olympic hurdler. I love them so much that I will never house sit for them again, not even for payment on par with the gross domestic profit of Uganda.
3. Waitress at Chili’s when the rib song and Austin Powers came out– I’ve heard the “Baby back rib” song before. Yeah, somebody else sang their order ten minutes ago. You are not special or funny, you are only making me want to spit in your extra, extra, extra side of super-spicy rib sauce.
4. Curb number painter — Ten bucks and I’ll spray stencil your house numbers on your curb. Because the City of Uppity Arlington mandates the numbers be there and I am undercutting the competition on price. Boohya!

Four places I have lived:
1. The Western Campus, Miami University — I wore a bra. Not a lot of the other girls did. This was novel for the sheltered, army brat that I was. Bad things didn’t happen if boobs roamed free? Well, besides sagging anyway. Wow!
2. Chez Parental — Free food, free laundry, free rent. And free inquiries about where I was last night at 10:00.
3. Detroit — I actually saw crack. And a prostitute. And a prostitute with crack. And she approached my car and was telling me what she would let me do to her. I never knew that was possible but I will take her word for it.
4. Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates — Yep, it is the answer to a commonly missed Jeopardy! question. And yes, it was hot.

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Real World/Road Rules Challenge — Dramafest by the original dramanators!
2. Good Eats — Mr. Alton “I am sexy” Brown makes pouch cooking sound like an aphrodisiac
3. Sex and the City — TBS has edited it extensively, but the shoes are still good
4. Veronica Mars — Um, the CW took this off for a few months so we could find the next Pussycat Doll? They need another skank? Isn’t 15 enough?

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Florida — post-bar exam. I don’t remember a thing. My mind was still numb. Plus we drank a lot.
2, 3, and 4. Um, I think that is all.

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Anything in the carb family — because carbs are good.
2. Anything in the sugar family — I have a sweet tooth.
3. Anything in the chocolate family — bliss.
4. Anything in the martini family — liquid bliss.

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Someplace with mass transit — I would like to leave my house without my mom in tow.
2. Someplace with a hot man to call my own — because then I wouldn’t mind if I couldn’t leave my house.
3. Someplace where they sold designer shoes for very low prices — hello sample sale!
4. Someplace where New Kids on the Block were still cool — because I could sell all my fan stuff and actually get something for it.

Advertisements

5 Responses to “Because she said I would”

  1. Lisa! Says:

    I TOTALLY LISTED YOU! YOU LIE!!!!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    What IS the GDP of Uganda?

    Didn’t Cab Calloway create the name “Abu Dhabi”???

    Oh, and have you heard those Cheryl Crow radio spots about her being a cancer survivor? Is she just trying to ride the coat tails of Lance Armstrong? WTF? I think she’s just jelous.

    Yes i am bored at work today.

  3. Laina Says:

    Thanks so much, Katherine. Now I’m craving baby back ribs with a side of ravioli. But as payback, I’m going to list you as “most likely to respond” for all of the lame ass surveys I get from now till eternity. Bwahaha!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    OK, seriously. I’ve checked your blog a periodically since my post and nothing new. WTF?

    Where’s the service?

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Awwww… a shout-out! And my first one at that! Thanks! I appreciate you giving us your insight. I did learn some things about you!

    And just for the record… I rarely forward those things. I think I was just feeling mushy or something that day.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: