Dawson’s Crack, or this is worse than the trashy romance fixation

Yes, I am aware that I’ve been AWOL, my dear loyal reader who insists on emailing me everyday to find out why I’ve not posted. In fact, I’ve actually been busy. Very busy. Watching seasons one through four of Dawson’s Creek.

Please stop laughing at me now.

I’ve randomly become fixated on this TV series. It began the other day when I happened to be watching this UFC fight night thing at a friend’s house. She had seasons one through three of The Creek and I figured, well, I’ve got a long weekend coming up, might as well have something to watch. So, not realizing that the DVDs were laced with crack cocaine, I borrowed season one… In hindsight, it is clear that I failed to head Fate’s warning — the fact that she had the UFC fight thing on her TV (and actually got it with pay-per-view) was obviously a huge, blinking neon warning sign that I missed.

The first season was cute. Three small town friends from childhood are off to the scary world of high school, where they experience typical TV teen dilemmas. The main character’s parents are the ’90s version of June and Ward Cleaver and Dawson (the main character, because, duh, it’s his creek) always has a profound “Look at me, I’m so wise in my youthful naivety” moment. Oh, and there’s the love triangle. And the just-moved-to-town rebel girl thrown in for good measure. Good mindless stuff… With subliminal messages that compel innocent people to WATCH MORE NOW!!!

Not one to resist, I borrowed seasons two and three. The play by play:

Season Two:
Episode One — New theme music. It’s more angsty than the previous selection and thus better captures the mood.
Episode Two — Dawson loves Joey (who is a girl). Pacey (who is a boy) loves Joey. Havoc.
Episode Three — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. Joey doesn’t know what she wants. The agony.
Episode Four — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. Jen (the bad girl from NYC) does bad things and lets her grandmother down. Oh no.
Episode Five –Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. Who will Joey choose?
Episode Six — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. Joey’s awful convict father gets out of jail and Dawson helps Joey deal with the ensuing emotional upheaval. That Dawson’s a pal.
Episode Seven — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. Uh oh. Convict father burns down the family business and goes back to jail. Pacey lends his shoulder to cry on. He has a sensitive side. *Sigh*
Episode Eight — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. A random back plot character is gay. The gang is loving and accepting.
Episode Nine — Dawson loves Joey. Pacey loves Joey. The plot thickens.

Anyway, it goes on for about 15 more episodes. And that’s just season two. In season three, there are 23 episodes chronicalling how Pacey finally gets Joey to like him back and what impact this true love has on good guy Dawson. Season four is just more of the same but with the big Sex Question thrown in. And I love it all. It’s like a trashy romance novel but I don’t have to turn the pages plus there’s a soundtrack of late ’90s sap music at moments of high drama. Good times!

Number Two is also a huge fan of The Creek. Every time Katie Holmes (who plays the whiny cornerstone of the love triangle, Joey) comes on screen, I throw a cat toy at the TV. Apparently, Number Two is half dog and thinks we are playing a marathon game of fetch. I throw the cat toys because I basically totally loath Katie Holmes (aka Kate “I married an insane gay man” Cruise). She ranks just below Rachel Ray and above the cheerleaders from high school on the List of People Whose Existence God Will Eventually Have to Explain to Me. I really can’t stand her and think she’s a hoity-toity, whiny, crazy woman. Besides the marry Tom Cruise thing, I think my mix of bafflement and hatred stems from an incident in college involving Ms. Holmes, myself, and a dorm shower. (Ew. Stop thinking that.) Anyway, my sophomore year, she was visiting a friend who lived in my dorm. During this particular incident, anybody showering (namely me) when she decided it was appropriate to likewise engage in personal hygiene apparently needed to leave the bathroom. Keep in mind that my dorm had showers with private shower stalls. But this was not enough for Ms. Modesty. Nope, Katie needed complete and absolute privacy so elusive in college. Ms. Holmes wanted a totally empty, private bathroom, which as all smart people know is not going to happen in a college dorm. But Katie doesn’t give up. In an effort to get more privacy than a shower stall can provide, so she brazenly walked into my stall and tried to make me get out. While I was showering. With shampoo in my hair. And did I mention I was naked? The discussion about my shower usage was just about to turn ugly when Katie must have realized that I eat real food like cookies and bread and bon-bons and that consequently I was twice her size and I guess she was scared off. That was the first of several pleasant Katie Holmes Visits College Episodes from my sophomore year. Ever since, I can’t stand that girl and her particularly whiny character on The Creek just confirms my opinion of her. So, I throw stuffed rats at the TV when she’s on and it makes me feel better for myself, for the other poor innocents who needed to shower during sophomore year, for Pacey and Dawson and the entire fictional town of Capeside, MA.

I will probably be AWOL again… I’ve got two seasons to go until I find out who really is Joey’s soul mate and until I can reclaim my life.


One Response to “Dawson’s Crack, or this is worse than the trashy romance fixation”

  1. Laina Says:

    See, and I used to almost feel sorry for Katie Holmes because she got brainwashed by Tom Cruise and his crazed Scientology buddies. But now I just think she’s a hag.

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