Bionic Piggy

About twice a year, my parents go to the Air Force Base in Dayton and stock up on things like shampoo and box wine and steak. Stuff is sold much cheaper there and the military doesn’t think sales tax is cool, so a $1000 worth of stuffed crammed into the mini-van actually equates to a lot more than a $1000 at Kroger’s. Being the kind and generous woman that she is, my mother asked me if I wanted anything and of course I gave her a list a mile long. It centered primarily on cat items: cat food, litter, litter liners, litter deodorizer, more litter (because my cats don’t have any form of constipation whatsoever)…

I brought over all my cat-related loot this afternoon and in the time it took me to walk from my back door to the car trunk and carry in two 28 pound tubs of Fresh Step, Bionic Kitty managed to rip open two 7 pound bags of cat food and successfully scatter the contents across the kitchen, bathroom, living room AND basement. I was gone for maybe, Maybe, MAYBE three minutes. And it wasn’t like she was starving either. The food dishes (yes, plural, because Bionic Princess can’t have just one dish she shares with Number Two) were completely filled.

If cleaning up that mess wasn’t enough of a pain, about ten minutes later, the Bionic Eating Machine’s stomach rebelled against the ingestion of Iams bags.

There are days when she’s really lucky her Bionic Bottom isn’t kicked to the moon.


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