Girl Fest 2006!! or, man, that’s a hangover

I love my friend Kelly M. for many reasons… She’s always up for Chipotle, she’s the valedictorian of our lawyerly-things class so she knows big words, and she is the only person in the entire universe who can wear shoes with little, pink flying pigs on them in combination with socks that are black and green stripped with skulls on them and stilll manage to make it look like it was designed to go together. Oh, and Kelly’s witty and honest and willing to make fun of Britney Spears at any time. All this has earned Kelly a coveted spot on Katherine’s List of Good People to Hang Out With. Kelly also gets Good People bonus points because she named her cats Eggroll and Kung Pao Kitty. But, the real reason I adore Kelly is her willingness to participant in drunken frivolities of most any sort* and so we engage in said frivolities on a large scale about once a year.

In keeping with tradition, yesterday evening Kelly and I had Girl Fest 2006. This basically means we drank excessively, talked about boys and ate Chubby Hubby straight from the container. And all this was in the comfort of my not-so-comfortable living room. It was a real “Kelly and Katherine”** kind of night…

Planning for the eveing started early in the day when I talked to Kelly about what types of alcohol I purchased for Girl Fest. And it continued as I called her periodically throughout the day to tell her what things I forgot and she needed to pick up. Ice, lemonade, something chocolate, what goes with vodka? That type of thing…So Kelly showed up last night with two shopping bags of stuff, plus ice. On my end, I had the glasses and blender and the couch to pass out on. With that, Girl Fest 2006 officially opened…

We started the festivities with a bottle of wine. Kelly had demonstrated her mental astuteness with this purchase — it was cheaper than the screw-topped wine but had an actual cork and it was good. While we worked on finishing the bottle we Bionic Kitty the cork to play with. (Note to self: no more corks for Bionic… In attempt to indulge her cat alcoholism, she tried to eat the cork to absorb any residual alcohol. Last night, this was not an issue. It only really mattered this morning when vacuuming up those little cork pieces with a hangover became a reality…)

As the evening progressed, we discovered there is a lot of wisdom in a room containing two women and a bottle of wine, and most of it is guy-related. For example, we cunningly deduced that if animals have a mating season where the males of the species are driven purely by the need to procreate, then there must be a human guy mating season (or man humping season as we called it) as well. Oh but wait, aren’t guys generally driven purely by the need to release their little swimmers? So, every day is man humping season. Ha! We are smart! More wine!

At this point, we discovered the bottle was empty and so it was time for that frosty- alcoholic-goodness known as the Margarita! While crushing ice for the tasty Mexican treat, we discovered the superior awesomeness of my blender. It crushed an entire container of ice in TEN SECONDS! No joke. Which was just fine with us, because we got to continue drinking sooner…
And after the margaritas, we really needed pizza. Really. Happily, Papa Johns is in my neighborhood and at this point, I still remembered how to dial a phone. Unhappily, PJs does not deliver after midnight. But we were not about to be overcome and allow our pizza plan to be foiled! PJs is only a hopped fence and a short block and a half walk away. So, off we went… I would like to point out that an “open” sign combined with store lights that are on and an unlocked door generally indicates an establishment is in fact, open. But apparently, the rules of openness don’t apply toPJs… Thus, we reassessed our options and altered the pizza plan to a general quest for food. About a block away from PJS there is a bar. And THEY SERVE FOOD!!! Off we went to see if they still were still serving edible delights. Nope. Columbus seems to shut down the food options at midnight. So, we debated how far it was to Taco Bell and could we really walk there while maintaining a buzz and avoiding charges of public intox. Ultimately, we decided not to walk the miles and miles to Taco Bell; not because of the alcohol thing, but because they might not let us walk-through the drive-through and that would make us sad. Besides, there was Chubby Hubby at home. And chips with cheese sauce. And M&Ms! Ohhhhhhhhh, M&Ms!!! Back through the fence we went…

Later in the evening, after some food and more drinking, the Kelly and Katherine wisdom continued. For instance, I learned that having a vagina is really the problem. What this refers to, I am not sure, but it was insightful at the time. And I also learned that in a blazer, I’m a sexy beast, and my boobs are in fact porn star big. I also learned that when people pick up their phone during a drunk dial, it’s not as fun as leaving a message. Also, Kelly’s not a great asset in the two-person drunk dial message when she’s eating Ben & Jerry’s. I guess a girl has to have priorities…

Kelly and the ingredients for a night of festivites

Are you ready to drink? Are you? YEAH!

Glug, glug, glug… (There needs to be sound effects on this thing…)

Margarita! Margarita! Ole!

This is what weve had to drink so far.

Teheheheehe! Happiness if Chubby Hubby, a drink, and Kelly saying outrageous things!

* Is there drinking? Yes? Then, will it get us disbarred? Nope? Then Kelly will do it!
** Nutso, crazy, and generally food and beverage-centered

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One Response to “Girl Fest 2006!! or, man, that’s a hangover”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Sometimes I think doing something to get disbarred is not necessarily a bad thing. Sounds like a fun time was had by all. – AKW

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