A Dishwasher Saga

Dear Landlord:

While I very much understand that old appliances break, and yes, might even cause small fires which I must valiantly put out with nothing but a cup of water and a hot dog (all I had handy when I discovered said small fire), I take issue with the continued fire problem I seem to be dealing with here. To have the replacement appliance, on its first use, likewise catch fire is somewhat worrisome. Not only do I now fear turning on any other appliances in my home, but I subsequently have scalded Poverty Barn plates and dishwater hands. Ick. Perhaps if your lovely circa 1982 kitchen wallpaper was damaged and not my beloved dishes, you would be more attentive to this issue?

The continued nature of this problem leads me to speculate that it is not the appliances themselves which are at fault. Rather, I am beginning to suspect that the electrical set-up is the problem. For protective measures, I have decided to look at fire extinguishers online. If I buy one and have to use it, I am making you clean up what the websites say is a very large the mess! Anyway, I am not an electrician or even an expert in dishwasher models, but I am going to hazard a guess that two dishwashers don’t go up in smoke unless there is a problem with the place they plug into.

I further bring to your attention that I’ve recently experienced another small appliance fire (please see post called: A Play-By-Play of My Brain’s Inner Workings Today) in the other stunningly wallpapered area in the house — the bathroom. Maybe its my psychic energy protesting the choice of wall decor that has been thrust upon me, but recently my relatively new hairdryer also went up in flames. This was not exactly a pleasant way to start a morning, not to mention that if it weren’t for some quick faucet action, I might have burned my hair beyond a subtle singe. Likewise, I’ve gone through an alarm clock and a curling iron and a blender and a toaster since I’ve lived here. To the great relief of the fire marshall, it wasn’t from flame or smoke, but that’s still an awful lot of electrical equitpment to go bust in a five month period. I believe a pattern is emerging and it involves outlets, appliances, an occasional fire, and one pissed off tenant.

Please advise how you intend to address this problem. Should the appliance fires continue or perhaps even lead to a big fire wherein all my stuff gets burnt up, I will not be a happy camper. Plus, if I have to move back in with my parents, my dad is going to be really annoyed. I consider it only fair to mention that he has a air pellet gun and exceptionally good aim honed after years of backyard squirrel warfare (please see section entitled: You Hunt, Me Shoot).

Very truly yours,

Your tenant who simply wants a functioning dishwasher

PS-In the future, please close the door when you are running to your car for tools. While I am sure Bionic Kitty enjoyed her brief taste of the Great Outdoors, she has a track record of being an expensive cat and if she catches any more horrible diseases while she’s out and about, the sure-to-be-costly treatment might preclude me from paying the rent.


2 Responses to “A Dishwasher Saga”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    OK, two things:
    1) get renter’s insurance.
    2) It sounds like an electrical problem and that ain’t good, get more renter’s insurance.

    – your local know-it-all- man.

    p.s. I learned yesterday that smoking tobacco increases your testosterone levels.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I have renter’s insurance and I am waaaay overinsured. I actually just paid my bill again, so I know it’s good. Yipee.

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