Wind, and hail, and tornadoes, oh my! Or, a blow by blow account of the adventures of Johnny

The wicked wind from the west struck the Wonderful Land of Columbus yesterday evening. It appears that much damage was done around the plush land generally referred to as New Albany. (For that lone loyal reader not familiar with the Wonderful Land of Columbus, New Albany is where the Amazing Wizard known as Les Wexner rules in a generally benevolent and white-picket-fence kind of way.) One victim of last night’s gusty winds was a small boy named Johnny…

When the warning sirens wailed yesterday eve, Johnny was diligently practicing guitar in his Grand Guitar Room, located near several windows on the second floor of his quaint Bachelor Pad. Aware of the dangers of gusting winds and windows on the second floor, and not wishing to become the local version of Dorothy Gail and Toto, the smart lad grabbed his trusty guitar and ran post-haste to the bathroom (because he does not have a basement — which he had previously noted might be a problem if a tornado ever came to the enchanting New Albany area). There Johnny bravely waited out the inclement weather, with his beloved guitar, and with the door open. After all, Johnny is a valiant lad who scoffs in the face of a little light wind…

After the sirens ceased to cry their warning, Johnny emerged from the bathroom unscathed. He stored his trusty guitar back in the Grand Guitar Room, went to the food preparation area and grabbed some Nectar of the Mexican Gods (better known as Corona). Being a Man of His Word, Johnny then hopped into his Man-Mobile and drove to the Fair Katherine’s house. The lovely Katherine was providing Johnny some evening sustenance and Johnny knew that the Mexican feast would just not be the same without the Corona he had promised to bring. In order to keep his word, our daring hero traveled through rain, hail, and assorted winds in order to drink Corona and eat tacos with the damsel, Katherine.

After the many weather induced trials and tribulations, the dedicated Johnny arrived at Katherine’s Lovely Townhouse. There, they ate the Mexican repast, while Johnny dashingly prevented yet another Total System Meltdown of the Work Mainframe, fielded multiple telephone calls from concerned loved ones, and managed to tell the graceful hostess an amazing story about some of his recent daring-do.

Later, our wandering adventurer and the beauteous damsel decided to adjourn to a local drinking institution and meet some friends. While there, Johnny received a frantic call of distress from a weary member of the fabulous New Albany area. It seems this poor soul saw the tornado in the vicinity of Johnny’s quaint Bachelor Pad. He likewise retreated in its wake, to a bathroom, and valiantly held the door against the gusting winds while the three lovely ladies he rescued screamed their heads off from fear induced by the tornado that was ripping their humble shelter apart around them. At hearing this news, Johnny wisely departed the local watering hole, once again returning to the fabled land of New Albany in order to offer his aid to the distressed residents (and to check on the status of his trusty guitar, oh, and his house, too). There, Johnny learned that a nasty, evil gas leak was preventing him from returning to his Bachelor Pad and his trusty guitar. Johnny wisely retreated, in the face of the villianous gas, in order to better fight another day…

Now the world waits, with baited breath, to learn if our hero’s faithful sidekick, The Gee-tar (and the house, too), will be all right…Stay tuned…


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