A Halloween Dilemma

Every year my good friends throw a Halloween party. It’s evolved from a casual dress-up party with a keg into a Real Bash which demands days of pre-party water intake to combat the alcohol consumption. But the best part — even more fun than the beer pong — is the costume competition. This is the not the type of party where a guest can just grab a sheet, cut some eye holes and show up. Oh no, there are prizes for the best costume and like any red-blooded lawyer, I must win that prize. Even if it is only a Pez dispenser. After all, that Pez dispenser represents something…Namely, that I beat somebody else into a costumed pulp.
Last year, the Bash featured costumes like Sam Adams and the St. Pauly’s Girl. In the past, John Kerry even paid a visit. So, here I am, invitation to the Bash in hand and consequently contemplating costumes in mid-September. There have been several ideas I’ve contemplated only to reject as un-Pez-worthy.

Madonna: Who wouldn’t want to see me in a pointed bra? But where do I get a pointed bra?

Miss America: I shouldn’t be aiming so low. I should go as Miss Universe!

Lady Godiva: This involves nudity. I like it…The police might not.

Wonder Woman: I can have my magic lasso and my bracelets. Any my superhero beer.

A Magic 8 Ball: While I love the idea of asking myself if I should have another beer and seeing “Signs Point to Yes,” I foresee bathroom difficulties if I am wearing something big, round, and stuffed.

Monica Lewinsky: I can wear a navy dress…

Judge Judy: I have the robes, I have the gavel. I just need some people to be the plaintiffs and defendants who will argue about “LaShirl taking my $200 for crack money and using it to buy nudie pictures at the local Piggly-Wiggly.”

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