Planet Platonic

I’m a girl, and as such, it is in my genetic make up to overanalyze all male-related interaction with my girl/gay friends. Lately, I’ve been on an analysis spree with one friend in particular. We have the same basic problem: a guy and the friend zone. The friend zone is this dreadful place where one person, the Crushee (the object of desire), puts the other person, the Crusher (the borderline obsessed one). Somehow, the Crusher has become viewed as nothing more than a friend by the Crushee and that perception can’t be altered, no matter how many boob revealing shirts the Crusher wears.

A person can be friend zoned for a multitude of reasons, but the end result is crush purgatory. You aren’t going up, and you aren’t going down; you just wait until something happens, and things do happen—things that you read waaayyy too much into with every single gal pal you have. But when push comes to shove, you two are really just having friendly conversations and friendly interactions that amount to nothing but a big old friendly friendship (grrrr…). It’s a horrible holding pattern that eats up your cell minutes, shreds your ego, and annoys your married friends who have conveniently blocked out all memory of their time in the FZ.

The thing that makes the FZ even worse is that the Crusher just can’t seem to break out of the crush mentality if there is even the slightest interaction with the Crushee. And as friends, of course there will be contact, which in turn must be analyzed and obsessed over, thus perpetrating an evil circle of doom. (It has got to be the Crush God’s way of boosting his Verizon stock, that’s all I can figure.)

I don’t know where I am going with this, except to say, it seems my gal pal and I are damned to a life (ok, several months) of false hope, boob shirts, and large cell bills. And eating chocolate. Did I mention the chocolate?


One Response to “Planet Platonic”

  1. Laina Says:

    No, your married friends are only annoyed because they have trouble following a story where people’s names are so similar. Can’t you just call them “Bob” and “Ann” or something? I kept getting confused about who was who. 🙂

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