Everything you never wanted to know…

These questions are originally from a French series, “Bouillon de Culture” hosted by Bernard Pivot, but they are also used by James Lipton at the end of “Inside the Actor’s Studio.” In preparation for when I am famous (which is the same time hell has frozen over), here are my answers:

1. What is your favorite word? Yes. As in an exclamation of joy (“Yes!! I was just named Time’s Person of the Century”). Or a confirmation of fact (“Yes, Tom Cruise really was committed today”).

2. What is your least favorite word?
Platypus. It sounds like it should be a venereal disease, not an animal.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? A person’s laugh. Especially when they’ve just taken a rather large drink of milk, beer, or diet coke and it comes out through their nose because they are laughing so hard. When that happens, you know you just told a darn fine joke.

4. What turns you off?
Cruelty. And people who don’t eat the heads off gummy bears before they eat the body because to do otherwise is just not proper gummy bear eating etiquette.

5. What is your favorite curse word?
Shitfacedmotherfucker. I only break it out for special occasions. An honorable mentions go to fuck, shit, ass and fucktard.

6. What sound or noise do you love? A child’s laugh. And the sound I make when I win the penny slot jackpot in Vegas.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Ambulance sirens. And police sirens, when they are coming after me.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Does Superhero count? If not, then I’ve always wanted to be a Barker’s Beauty.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Airplane test pilot. If something goes awry, you are just so screwed.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
“Saint Peter has the sign-up sheets for return trips. And the buffet hasn’t moved since your last visit.”


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