Will you be my Crustacean?

A long time ago (a.k.a. yesterday) in a world far, far away (Jackson, OH is a world far, far away from a DSW, the mark of civilization, and thus qualifies), a beautiful woman (named Jill) told her equally beautiful friend (that would be me) about the Lobster Theory which was introduced by a compelling and world altering T.V. show (known as Friends). The Lobster Theory involves lobsters (obviously) and their supposed (I haven’t googled this yet so I am going to say it is “supposed”) behavior of mating for life. Single women (like Jill and I) are apparently searching for our personal lobster (or, if you are some of my other friends, the male praying mantis).

My wise friend (she subscribes to the wisdom of Phoebe Buffay, ‘nuff said) thinks she had identified her lobster (male, 28, brown hair, perfect) but he hasn’t identified her back (retarded boy). If that’s the case, maybe he’s really a sea urchin (creature that fertilizes remotely—can’t commit—and eats dirt)? The proverbial sea is full of sea urchins (ahem, losers) and other bottom dwellers (bigger losers) but that’s all right. They just get thrown back eventually and then get eaten by whales (Mother Nature knew what she was doing).

If Jill (devoted follower of Friends) has found her lobster, I think I’ve found my eel (can’t pin him down or figure him out). What do you do with an eel (it’s a slippery little sucker, after all)? T.V. hasn’t addressed eels (nope, not even Carrie Bradshaw).


Friends Episode 2.14 (The One with the Prom Video
)
Phoebe: Hang in there, it’s gonna happen.
Ross: What? Okay, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she’s your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she’s goin’ somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin’ around their tank, you know, holding claws like…

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