Run, sprint, hurl yourself towards Chipotle

I was engaging in my usual Friday afternoon revolt (aka the Down With Weight Watchers Lunch) and in line to get my Chipotle burrito when, behold! By the cash register I saw a CHIPOTLE CALENDAR! Yes, 12 pictures of lovely burritos displayed in scenic, month-appropriate environments (except for June. I don’t get the June pictoral). And it was a bargin at only $5.00. I instantly knew I had to have it and got out more cash.

I doubt the funds go to a good cause, like giving burritos to those not fortunate enough to buy their own little piece of edible heaven because they live in a box on South High Street. In fact, the proceeds from the intense calendar sales (that I’m sure are about to commence) probably just go towards expanding the Chipotle Empire. But that’s cool; as long as they spread the goodness. My Burrito Propaganda is now on my desk and I plan to use it to cross of the days until my next Friday Burrito Festivity.

Oh, and did I mention I was the first person to buy a calendar at that location? Yeah, I was first people. First! When everybody runs out to get their own calendars, remember who lead the pack…And hurry, there are only a few more days to enjoy January’s lovely depiction of “A Burrito meets the New Year.”

Happiness in tin foil

I am devoted to Chipotle. Really, really devoted. In fact, I attribute the generous size of my tooshy directly to avid Chipotle consumption (and my hatred of all things that resemble a StairMaster). Once a year, on Halloween, the fine folks at Chipotle reward their loyal patrons by offering free food to those dressed as a burrito. Needless to say, I was all over that.

What constitutes a burrito outfit? Basically, some strategically placed tin foil and maybe a green t-shirt to represent the guac. And dare I forget, all takers also have to look like a tin foil ninny while standing in line. But that’s still a small price to pay for a free burrito.

This year, I somehow coerced three people who do lawyerly things with me to come along and engage the tin foil madness. We drove to our local Chipotle, grabbed the roll of tin foil I brought to work, and made ourselves some styling burrito-ish outfits. And voila: free burritos.

Boo-riffic Boo-ritos are free today!

Boo-rito
Originally uploaded by kjohnsonesq.

Where we try to take a picture of ourselves and miss two of the four Burrito-Gals…

Alien foil heads
Originally uploaded by kjohnsonesq.

Nirvana in a bag!

For the love of Chipotle
Originally uploaded by kjohnsonesq.

Ode to the Greatness of Chipotle, or what I am going to have for lunch

1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and a little thing called the Burrito.

1:2 And the Burrito was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of fast-food Mexican fare everywhere. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of places like The Taco Maker Restaurant and Del Taco and said Ick.

1:3 And God said, Let there be more than just running to the border: and there sprang forth a new fast-food Mexican restaurant.

1:4 And God saw this restaurant, that it had a gourmet taste yet still was in a nifty fast-food form: and God divided it from the rest of the fast-food Mexican market.

1:5 And God called the heavenly place Chipotle, and the darkness he called Qdoba Mexican Grill. And thus the Place of Profound Culinary Happiness was born.

1:6 And God said, Let there be a selection of entrée options, and let us separate the menu into big ass burritos, lettucy bols and not one, but two types of tacos.

1:7 And God made different types of flavorful beans and tender meats, and divided the meat selections into carnitas, steak, chicken and barbacoa and it was so.

1:8 And God called these foods Edible Near-Orgasmic Bliss. And which meat and bean types to pick were the first decisions made when ordering a Burrito.

1:9 And God said, Let the Burrito fixins at Chipotle be gathered together unto one place, and let the it be known collectively as The Line: and it was so.

1:10 And God called the meat and beans area The Meat and Beans Area; and the gathering together of the sour cream, salsas, and guac was called the Place Where You Pick Everything Else: and God saw that it looked appetizing.

1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the tomato, the plump red fruit, and the roasted corn, which will be used for the salsa: and it was so.

1:12 And the earth brought forth the chili and tomato and corn, and four types of salsa with various levels of spiciness were invented: and God saw that it was damn tasty.

1:13 And salsas, that stroke of dietary genius, became the third choice on The Line.

1:14 And God said, Let there be Other Stuff in the firmament of Chipotle heaven to help people customize their taste sensory experiences;

1:15 And let them have sour cream and cheese and guac and lettuce to select from: and it was so because God willed it.

1:16 And God made two great Extras options to select from; the Chips and Guac for those who like smashed up avocadoes with their hint of lime flavored tortilla chips, and the Chips and Salsa for the people who like tomatoes instead: he made the Tabasco sauces also, just for an added kick.

1:17 And God set the Extras in the heights of Chipotle heaven to introduce even more exceedingly high caloric intake to the hungry people upon the earth,

1:18 And to defeat hunger and rule over the fast-food Mexican market: and God ensured that Chipotle was divine.

1:19 And God blessed the hungered masses, saying, Be fruitful, and eat Chipotle Burritos, and fill the Burritos with cilantro-lime rice, and let fullness be yours during the lunch hour and for six meals afterward.

1:20 And then God had a flash of inspiration and said, Let Me make the perfect, customizable Burrito, designed after My own gastronomic desires: and let the taste buds have dominion over the esophagus, and over the stomach, and over small intestine, and over large intestine, and over every other part of the digestive tract.

1:21 So God created a Burrito to His own specifications, in interest of what would fill Him up; Chicken Fajita Burrito hold the onions and salsa, He created it because God doesn’t like tomatoes or onions.

1:22 And God blessed the Chipotle workers, and God said unto them, Be swift Burrito makers, and wrap those Burritos tight or there will be a mess, and vanquish Burrito cravings on the earth, and subdue your competition: and have dominion over Taco Bell, and over the Moe’s Southwestern Grill, and lure unto Chipotle’s domain every living thing that hungers for Mexican food at lunch time.

1:23 And God said, Behold, I have given you crack to add to the Burritos, which is the only possible explanation for why Chipotle is so addicting; you shall add it to the meat.

1:24 And every hungered person upon the earth will crave Chipotle and recognize its goodness: and it was so.

1:25 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold; it was very good, especially with extra guac. Amen.