Halloween 2008: Yes, I am on roller skates!

 

 

Roller Derby Girl is ready to leave Chez Apartment!

 

 

9:00ish: Leave Chez Apartment. Concierge Ruth is first person to comment on the roller skates.

Ruth (in awe): You have roller skates! Are you going to wear them?

Me (wondering if this is an indication that my costume rawks): Yep.

Ruth (channeling her mom instincts): Don’t break your neck!

Me: I’m bringing my insurance card.

Ruth: Aren’t you a good little Girl Scout?

 9:10ish: Metro. Spot the Pope with a cadre of Bishops and Catholic School Girls. The Travelocity Gnome asks me if those are roller skates I am carrying.

10:03ish: Arrive at the party. Time to skate up. Host Julia advises wrist guards in addition to knee pads. Try on wrist guard and find it limits my hand dexterity. Debate if my priority is safety or beer consumption. Opt for drunk.

 

Can you see the roller skates?

 

Sandra Day O'Clobber

10:06: Attempt to skate down hallway of party stone cold sober. After three almost wipe-outs in five feet, I consider telling Julia where my insurance card is stashed. Julia promises she won’t let me fall. I determine that if she gets too drunk to be a reliable safety net, I can always skate into a wall.

10:08: Beer!

10:10: Start hearing, “Oh my God. Are you on roller skates?” I sense a theme for the evening. 

11:37 Lots of Beer! Spontaneous rolling occurs. Despite my constant utilization of the toe-stop, I am never fully stationary. Anybody within arm’s reach is fair game for support, stoppage and generally propping up.

12:10: More Beer!

12:16: Dancing begins. Previously my dancing proficiency was limited to the White Girl. But now I can do the White Girl on Roller Skates. 

 

These people can dance. But are they roller stars?

 

Dancing on skates is really just a matter of bending at the hip. Lean forward enough, gravity moves you forward, and presto! You are J. Lo.

12:47: Beer! consumption continues. Getting better on the skates. Can now do circles and sorta go backwards (purposely).

12:49: This girl: 

 

Somebody give Jamie an award.

thinks it’ll be fun to practice the whip move from roller derby. And you know what? She was right. Genius! I love the skates! I love her! I love everybody! I think I’ve reached Drunk.

1:03: I am now skating proficiently up and down hallway. Can’t figure out why the bathroom line shouts, “Watch your feet!” when they see me coming.

1:11: Zoom! Zoom! 

1:19: Never try to put on two pairs of pantyhose (one nude, one fishnet) while on roller skates. Even in a large bathroom. Make a mental note to tell Julia about the insurance card for reals.

1:47: More Beer! and random frivolity.

 

A hook: the second best Halloween accessory.

 

I've magically grow taller than Julia.

 

Jazz hands!

I forget what time: Leave for Local on U Street. That’s right, Interwebs, I roller skated down U Street. Drunk. On roller skates (just in case you weren’t clear). 

 

About to launch. (This picture is fraking awful!)

While skating down U Street: I am constantly screaming bloody murder. Julia earns Friend Points by holding my hand, repeatedly catching me and laughing minimally. As people block my path, I yell that I am on roller skates and I damn well get precedence. A stream of “It’s Roller Girl!” follows us.  

Somewhere along U Street: Grates suck. Streets suck. Bricks make my all bobble headish. But those places where the sidewalk does down into the street and it gets all bumpy at the cross walk? Hell. 

Arrive bar: They let me in! On roller skates! I am Skate God!

 

Skates in a bar!

 

What's with the hand at the top of the picture?

 

 

While in Local: Commiserate with an iPod about costumes that are good in theory but challenging in practice.

Return to Julia’s: Am told by Brian, Julia’s room mate, that watching my return skate down U Street from behind was, “entertaining.” Not sure if I like Brian anymore. 

4:08: Home. Have discovered only one new bruise. So far.

The End. (Photo by Jamie)